I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
