well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
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My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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