allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
