Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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