I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize