Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
