I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
