you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
