I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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