I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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