Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
