My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
