i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
