so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
