Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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