I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize