I bet he comes in French.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
