I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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