and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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