everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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