New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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