Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're too hungover to prance.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
