My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
