you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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