Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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