I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you inspire me to be a worse person
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
