My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
