so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
