The maid of honor just puked.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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