We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
