last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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