all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
