hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My hand turned me down
The best revenge is premature balding
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
