is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
