I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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