That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
