Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize