I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
