theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
