omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
