im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
