You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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