we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
