so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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