oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
