With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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