I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
