Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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