i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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