My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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