My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
