Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
