I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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