Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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