I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Holy sore nipples Batman
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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