2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize