so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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