i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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