until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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