I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
