She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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