I can text with my tongue
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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