Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
