he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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